a friend eh?

i have recently started observing a lot of my friends to see if they are really what i would call true blue friends, and of course as i figured the results are terribly disappointing. i can count what i would call my true friends on my hand, one hand. i find this terribly depressing, i mean i like variety and having 5 or few true blue friends isnt good, well at least for me. the most disappointing, but the one im least suprised at (i know thats contradictory) is hadleigh. for someone who i thought was my best friend i am finding that he behaviour and actions are less and less of what one would define as a true blue friend. we have had some MAJOR issues in the last two years and i mean MAJOR, but i tried dealing with them, i mean she is the girl i first came out to! to me that is a big deal and that is someone i would want to keep in my life forever and ever and ever.
however i wonder a lot of she feels that way. she never returns my calls in a prompt fashion, she never calls when she says she will, she never makes plans with me about going out. she used to go out with our firned katie before i was 21 all the time, even though katie was not 21, but she had a fake, then when i turned 21, and katie wasnt able to use her fake anymore, hadleigh wouldnt go out with just me because she felt it wasnt fair to katie....keep in mine however it was perfectly fair that i got left out while i was underage. a real friend isnt she? she got a boyfriend finally, after two years of me being a great friend listening to her bitch abot being alone....then she pretty much forgets about me, she totally picked him over me...untill they broke up of course. and i was there for her...even when he called at 2 fucking am the day we had a final at 8
she then starts dating again and of course ive been put on the back burner. i shouldnt be surprised but he hurts.
i cant help it
we were supposed to go out last nite...she never called....surprise surprise
i dont get why she is like this? when she graduates will she still try to keep in contact? probably not.
she gets mad because my new best friend ashley and i are extremely close, and hadleigh feels replaced...i tell her she wasnt around so i needed a friend...yet that pisses her off
what do u expect hadleigh when u act the way you do...yankees have no clue what a good friend is...she never sees that her actions are damaging and hurtful....i hate you so much sometime
sometime i wish i had never told you so many of my secrets, sometimes i wish i had never let you in

and people wonder why i keep a wall up so often, this is exactly